George Lucas, I love you.
You made "Star Wars," changing my life and the lives of a generation, creating a new pop-cultural mythology and ushering in the era of the effects-driven blockbuster.
George Lucas, I hate you.
You remade "Star Wars," changing the way movies are created, freeing directors with enough money and control to come back years later to create "special editions" that change not just visual effects but characters. You digitally scrubbed the nuance from Han Solo, who no longer shoots first when threatened -- like we couldn't see him as a hero before.
George Lucas, I love you.
You're finally releasing the original "Star Wars" trilogy on DVD: "Episode IV: A New Hope"; "Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back"; and "Episode VI: Return of the Jedi."
George Lucas, I hate you.
What hits stores today will be the digitally "enhanced" versions of these classics. And you say you have no plans for a DVD release of the originals, the films we first fell in love with in all of their glorious imperfection.
At least you can't come to our homes and take away our VHS versions. Can you?
Of course, nothing you do will surprise me now. You inserted an actor and digital characters from the new "Star Wars" trilogy, forcing a bond between the work that changed cinematic history and your new prequels: the souped-up junk that's like the hottest of hot rods minus an engine, minus soul.
The added actor is Hayden Christensen, who carries on the tradition of whiny but gifted Skywalker boys who somehow manage to overcome their doubts and thickheadedness. Christensen plays Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader, aka Luke Skywalker's dad. But he's no Mark Hamill. And let's face it: that bar is not particularly high.
In the new "Return of the Jedi" DVD, which you reportedly consider the true, completed achievement of your original vision, Christensen replaces Sebastian Shaw, the original Anakin who broke our hearts as the dying Vader removed his mask. Worse yet, George, you give us Gungans. What do we need with Gungans in "Return of the Jedi"? We had enough of them in I and II. Those with less obsessive lives may not know this, but Gungans are the alien race of which Jar Jar Binks is a member. And Jar Jar, in all his digitized, space-jive-talking glory, is -- at best -- a divisive character among fans. The ones with taste hate Jar Jar even more than Ewoks.
As someone who has decided to cope with the muck of the prequels by pretending they don't exist (much like the last two "Matrix" movies), I resent these impositions!
Oh, I may buy a ticket to see "Episode III" when it hits theaters on May 19. I have an almost morbid curiosity about how the callow Anakin becomes Darth Vader. And I do want to learn about the early life of his son, Luke, and daughter, Leia.
Oh, don't even get me started on those two. George, I don't believe you when you say you knew all along that they would be brother and sister. But changing horses in midnarrative stream is one thing, particularly for a guy who's more a visionary than a word man. Changing your completed work, years later ... I mean, come on: If you were going to change something, why didn't you take out Princess Leia's incredible disappearing English accent?
It's ironic that you, who struggled for independence from major studios, who helped Frances Ford Coppola form his quixotic Zoetrope Studios, would meddle on such a grand digital scale with your own creations.
Or maybe you just always wanted to make sure that you were going to be the one to meddle.
I used to think that, down the line, you would decide to release the original "Star Wars" movies in their unaltered form. You know, kind of a Classic Coke/New Coke thing to extract double the dollars from willing fans.
But you don't need the money.
From the first little plastic Luke Skywalker with the lightsaber that retracted into his arm, to armies of Wookiees, Jawas, stormtroopers and, yes, Gungans that followed, you've raked in an estimated 97 zillion dollars. OK, my estimate may be off slightly, but your merchandising profits alone are no doubt enough for you to create a digital army of fans who will follow you anywhere without complaint. Kinda like Gungans.
I applaud the foresight that led you to bargain for the rights to merchandising, and, more than that, to the likenesses of your stars. Carrie Fisher has joked that she has to pay you a couple of bucks every time she looks in the mirror. I'm pretty sure she's kidding.
Even if she's not, there's one thing that can't be digitally altered, George:
I'll always get goose bumps when I hear the distinctive drum beats and fanfare of the 20th Century Fox theme, which I will forever associate with "Star Wars" more than any other film.
I close my eyes and I can see the massive star destroyer closing on the tiny rebel ship carrying the spunky princess and the shiny droids.
I love what you've made. I hate what you've done with it.
I'm not going to see it on DVD.
By STEPHANIE REID-SIMONS
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER LIFESTYLE EDITOR
